At the end of last year, I decided I wanted to do something to challenge my creative practice. I started to really like the idea of a residency, but with two small children, a husband who works odd hours, and a pandemic I figured that wasn’t in my near future. Then I started really looking into residencies that are completed in your own space. I came across and had a friend recommend the Artist Residency in Motherhood program. It seemed like a perfect fit for me, yet I was still a little hesitant. I forced myself to fill out the form and officially commit, and I’m glad I did.
Week 1 of residency:
I was super excited to dive back into painting after taking a break. While on my break I found a few shows that I would love to apply to and of course decided I would try and squeeze in a few new paintings to apply with, because well I always feel like making something fresh when applying to a show.
Originally I was going to focus on weird experimental projects to start my residency, to get loose and crazy, but I figured I would focus on getting new paintings done to apply to these shows. I figured I can try and loosen up and get crazy with them. I also thought it would be great to have such a tight deadline. Four paintings in four weeks. I won’t have time to be nit picky or overthink things right?
I figured I would start on a painting that I started a while ago and never finished. It was pretty far along and I figured it would be a quick finish and give me some momentum.
I also wanted to focus on not thinking too much and just allowing myself to create. Trying not to let myself have negative thoughts about myself, my process or my work.
I worked for about three hours on filling in the areas that were still untouched from the first go round and found myself beating myself up about my figure. (I hardly ever have human figures in my work, so yeah I’m a little rusty).
After taking a much needed snack and Netflix break, I came back and looked at it, and yes it’s not perfect, but it’s not bad. Why do I always have to be so hard on myself, even if it’s under painting. It’s so silly. If it doesn’t come out well, I can paint over it and no one ever has to see it.
So I have decided that yes, this residency will be for me to experiment and loosen up with my work, but will also be a time for me to work on how I feel about the process and help me turn those negative thoughts and feelings into positive and supportive feelings. I need to be kind to myself as an artist. Beating myself up about it will not help me progress and help me get where I want to be.
I hope that these three months, I will be able to change the way I see myself as an artist, allow myself to be less restrictive with my work, and create some terrible and great things.
Day 2
Working on things in little chunks of time here and there throughout the day. Feeling much more relaxed and excited to push some paint around. I’m really enjoying the sloppy beginning stages of new paintings. I feel like I used to make sure everything was “perfect” before even beginning, and now I’m leaving space for change if needed. I’m hoping to stretch out this approach during each painting.
I definitely believe this short deadline will be good for me and my creative practice. So far it has already pushed me to get more done in a little amount of time.